Nice To Meet You Rose, Run For Your Life:
The Doctor Who Confidential Drinking Game part I

by Fiona Moore

Originally published in Celestial Toyroom Issue 345

The new series of Doctor Who, these days, is inextricably linked with that wonder of behind-the-scenes documentary-making, Doctor Who Confidential-- and, whether the Confidential in question is an exciting insight into the new series or half an hour of time-worn clichés linked together with montages accompanied by Britney Spears, one can't help but notice that some bits of it are starting to look a little, well, familiar. So what better way to while away your repeat viewing this Christmas than with a brand new drinking game?

For those of you who have miraculously managed to get this far in fandom without encountering the concept of the drinking game (lucky you), the rules are simple. You start with a drink; you take one drink whenever any of the things listed below appears in any given Confidential. If the instructions say to take two or three drinks, you obey; if the instructions say to "chug," you drain the glass. If it's a particularly, shall we say, "traditional" Confidential, you may get through several glasses, which can't help but be a good thing.

Please note: this game is for the first series of Doctor Who Confidential only. Next month: series two, and the month after, Torchwood, provided we can stand it that is.

And now, the game! Take a drink whenever:

• One of the production people "just happens" to have a prop/mask/creature design that hasn't been seen in the series yet on a table behind them
• Clayton Hickman appears
• Nick Briggs appears
• Russell T. Davies appears-- two drinks if he's blushing and stammering
• We cut to a montage of Doctor Who clips set to a popular song. Two drinks if it's a particularly appropriate popular song, and chug if it's a song which is either hilariously inappropriate, or appropriate for the wrong reasons.
• One of the following clips appears:
  
  • Alien spaceship crashing into Big Ben
  • Rose hanging from barrage balloon
  • "Nice liana!"
  • The blue Gelth phantom hovering over Gwyneth
  • Any clip of the Earth from space (two drinks if it blows up)
  • The Reaper descending and devouring the father of the groom (take two drinks if it's the slightly rarer Reaper-devouring-the-priest scene instead)
  • Rose running through Cardiff with the pavement cracking behind her
  • "Oh Bol-" (followed by big explosion on Downing Street)
  • The Doctor/Rose PotW snog AND/OR "Ladies, your viewing figures have just gone up" AND/OR "what else has he got two of?". If you get all three in a single Confidential, you can declare a hat-trick and chug the glass.
  • The Dalek-in-bondage shot from "Dalek"
  • "Nice to meet you Rose... Rooon fer yer laaaife!"
  • Chris Eccleston turning into David Tennant
• Julie Gardener starts going on about how the Doctor and Rose love each other
• Somebody says that the new Doctor Who is about feelings and people. Take two drinks if they follow it up with a borderline-sexist remark about how much women like the new series.
• Somebody makes a brief reference to the old series. Two drinks if it's a disparaging reference. Three if they actually show a clip, and chug the lot if the clip they show is some horrendously out-of-context abomination that does succeed briefly in making you feel ashamed to have been a fan at the time.

Next month, provided we sober up in time, Doctor Who Confidential Drinking Game part II: This Time, It's Smug.