Originally
published in
Celestial Toyroom Issue 346
Ah, new year, new Christmas special, new lot of documentaries blatantly
aimed at getting us all fired up for the new season. So, in
anticipation of BBC3 repeating the entire run of
Doctor Who Confidential series
2 in a transparent attempt to convince us that the new series is much
better without Christopher Eccleston and/or Billie Piper, really it is,
here's Part II of the
Doctor
Who Confidential Drinking
Game.
For those of you who have miraculously managed to get this far in
fandom without encountering the concept of the drinking game (lucky
you), the rules are simple. You start with a drink; you take one drink
whenever any of the things listed below appears in any given
Confidential. If the instructions say to take two or three drinks, you
obey; if the instructions say to "chug," you drain the glass. If it's a
particularly, shall we say, "traditional" Confidential, you may get
through several glasses, which can't help but be a good thing.
Please note: this is for the second series of
Confidential
only.
For the first series, see
here.
Next month:
Torchwood
Declassified, provided we've
managed to get
through an episode without laughing too much to drink.
And now, the game! Take a drink whenever:
- The episode visibly runs out
of material after fifteen
minutes. Take two drinks if they then start waffling on about something
only tangentially relevant to the story allegedly under discussion;
take three if they then switch to another topic, giving us two mini-Confidentials;
chug
if they can't be bothered to do even that and just repeat themselves
over and over.
- Some female member of the
production team makes it plain
that they fancy the pants off David Tennant. Take two drinks if that
member is not Julie Gardener.
- Russell T. Davies does his
interview in front of a shelf
full of Doctor Who related books; chug if he's trying with all his
might to pretend that he's not a fan while doing so.
- Russell T. Davies (or anyone
else, for that matter) excuses
the lamest bit of the episode by saying “Oh, we just thought
it would be a bit of fun.”
- Clayton Hickman starts a
sentence with “There are
three points to note about [whatever he's talking about this
time]...” and gets cut off after point one.
- Clayton Hickman blinks (no
really, watch him. Does the man
have his eyelids Sellotaped open or something?).
- Any of the following
words/phrases are used:
- “deep”
- “mature”
- “close
to home”
“small-scale” or “intimate” (if
all three are used, chug the lot)
- “emotional”
- “intense”
- “atmospheric”
- “[Character X]
really develops during this
episode”
- “Oh, it's only
a kid's show really.”
- Billie Piper comes across as
intelligent, mature and
thoughtful-- so much so, in fact, that you desperately wish some of
this would start rubbing off onto Rose.
- A clip from Series One
appears which is heavily edited to
exclude Christopher Eccleston.
- Someone engages in an
extensive recap of something that
happened in Series One, complete with illustrative clips. Chug the lot
if the recap actually contributes nothing whatsoever to the viewer's
understanding of the actual Series Two episode to which the
Confidential episode pertains.
- Russell T. Davies
deliberately muffs some bit of Doctor
Who
trivia which everyone, even the general public, know, just to prove
that he's not a fan, really. Take two if he subsequently undermines
himself by revealing that he knows some completely obscure factoid
about the series.
- An actor playing a costumed
monster appears striking an
amusing pose. Take two if it's Paul Kasey. Take three if it isn't Paul
Kasey.
Bonus fun! Every time David Tennant appears, take one drink for every
inch of beard growth.
Next Time:
The Declassified Drinking
Game:
Don't You Wish We'd Stopped
at Two?
Next
month, provided we sober up in time, Doctor
Who
Confidential Drinking Game part II: This Time, It's Smug.
